It perplexes me how much everything can change in a day. Just yesterday, I was getting ready for a new direction. I was gearing my mind to a whole new path that I was uncertain about, but I was willing to take a risk. But this morning, I woke up with that all-too-familiar wrenching gut feeling that told me “no, don’t do it.” This happens to me a lot– I could be in a totally happy, cloud-nine state of mind the night before, and wake up the next day with an inexplicable sense of foreboding, even when nothing has happened and I have nothing to justify it. And I know that whatever it is that I don’t feel good about has to go, no questions asked. Some may find me absolutely crazy for making these executive decisions out of impulse, and I don’t blame them. But for as long as I can remember, there are things that I do that aren’t based on logic or common sense, and that’s just how life works for me and I’ve done pretty well listening to my gut. As I’ve probably mentioned before, I believe that those gut feelings are messages from God to me… He tells me what’s really in my heart that I cannot initially see, and I blindly and fully accept whatever it may be.
Ironically enough, I was having a conversation with a total stranger yesterday: a very nice Hungarian man who shared a passion for tennis and the love for life just like me. He and I talked about how the universe connects people together and gives us reminders of our past when we least expect it. For example, the sparkling martini that we used to give a toast for his son’s birthday yesterday was the same one that he used to drink with his friends back in a refugee camp in Italy, and he hasn’t seen it since those many decades ago. But the other day, as he was shopping in Ralph’s, the bottle caught his eye and he couldn’t believe his luck, and the fond memories of Italy with his friends just came rushing back to him and he felt like a teen again. He and I agreed that the universe has all these signs for us… but it’s up to us to catch those signs, and they could be as obvious as being right in front of our faces, just as the bottle of martini.
With that in mind, I thought about why it was that I felt that gut feeling; what was it that the universe… or God… was trying to tell me? After pondering over it for hours, I realized what it was, and I had to be honest with myself and those that were affected by the decision that I was about to make. There are certain things that slip my mind when I lose myself in a field of dreams, but God guides me back to exactly where He knows I should be, and for that, I am grateful. He always keeps me grounded. I am eternally thankful for having the ability of perception and analysis of every feeling or emotion that passes through me, no matter how fleeting they might be. It feels good to be able to catch and read life’s little signs, because I know that each one is a step closer to a life of happiness.