An Old Soul

mail is the best. keeps me connected with the ones i love! [[missionaries]].

It’s that time of the year– we all know it– dollar store aisles ridden with red and pink balloons, heart-shaped boxes of chocolate, sappy one-liner greeting cards. It’s only natural to miss the feeling of making someone special a sweet valentine. It makes me reflect on how long it’s been since I’ve been in a real relationship, and it’s strange because it feels so blurry… as if I don’t know what it feels like to have something real anymore. It may sound a bit morbid, but I can assure you that I’m not sad as I write about this. All I’m saying is that being in a relationship is unfamiliar territory, and when I think of Valentine’s Day and anniversaries and any couple business, it feels odd to think about myself in that situation because I’ve been used to being a lone individual for a while now.

I feel like I cannot relate with our modern era. It’s quite embarrassing to confess this, really, but I’m not the least bit up-to-date with what’s going on. I’m the last person that you want to have a conversation about movies with, nor am I someone you want to take to a club that blares hip-hop music or whatever the sex-drugs-alcohol-culture genre they call these days. It is so difficult for me to sit with a group of people and be able to relate to what they talk about in regards of living in 2015, or for the past decade, for that matter. As much as I love to obnoxiously sing Sam Smith and Ed Sheeran in public, not many people know the type of music that I really listen to because it’s not something that I like to share. Our society makes me feel ashamed of my beloved old-style indie folk rock of The Lumineers and Bright Eyes and I can’t go a day of playing it out loud in public without someone giving me an inquisitive look as if to say (if they don’t literally say it out loud), “what the hell kind of music is this?” It would be really nice if I met somebody who respected and appreciated the type of music that I love, or didn’t make me feel judged for the little things that comprise me.

It was really strange when I had a conversation with somebody last week and he said, “I feel like I was born in the wrong time,” and just as I was about to say, “Do you feel like you have an old soul?,” he said, “I feel like I have an old soul” (And at that moment, I thought perhaps this guy was my soulmate… No, I kid). That struck me because I’ve always referred to myself as an old soul… someone not of this fast-paced, materialistic time and culture who hates being sucked into the technological world of iPhones and advanced gadgets. It feels like the media takes out more and more of life’s true and blue values as each year passes, and I hate that there aren’t enough people who appreciate the beauty around them and how there’s more taking than giving. What I’d give to live again in a time of leisure and peace…

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