I have never felt more overwhelmed by a class until today. After over three hours of chemistry lecture, I already feel defeated– and it’s only the first day of the course! It scares me because it’s a class that I need to actually understand and retain the information from, if I want to go on to med school… This makes me reevaluate my life goals. I have never been excellent in chemistry and if I want to pass my MCAT, I have to get my act together and get tutoring as soon as possible since many pre-med students start studying for it at least two years before taking it. And not to mention that the MCAT is composed of four sections, two of them being general and organic chemistry… So needless to say, I am pretty worried about my future and it makes me want to change my major completely.
My gut instinct is to quit school– of course, that is excessively dramatic. But on a more realistic footing, I really just want to become an English major and write about the world as I travel all over it. I could just drop everything and graduate college with a risky degree but then never have to deal with dipole movement and trying to understand molecular geometry ever again in my life.
But when I sit down and reflect on why I chose to become a biology major in the first place, it sparks that fuel inside me to pull myself together and take on the challenge. My mind goes back to a year ago when I became so fascinated with dissecting cats and digging through a sheep’s heart to find the different blood vessels, that I even wrote the longest poem that I’ve ever written about professing my love for anatomy. I found it enjoyable to memorize all the skeletons in the body and how each muscle functions in different ways… I would actually spend my Friday mornings in school just to do some extra studying instead of being in the comfort of my bed like everybody else. I remember the exciting moment in which I decided that I wanted to become a pathologist, and the way my dad’s eyes lit up with pride when I told him that I wanted to switch from nursing to pre-med… I’ll never forget when he gave me a big hug and said, “so that means you’ll take care of me when I grow older,” to which I responded with tears in my eyes, “I’m not going to be that type of doctor, Dad.”
I have to keep reminding myself that nothing worth having comes easy. Education, sports, my spiritual faith, and relationships need effort for all of it to succeed. I can’t give up so easily… I was not born to be a quitter. As Fr. Sal advised me, being a college student should be my top priority right now because only a small population of the world has the opportunity to pursue such a prestigious education. So as heavy as the burden feels on my shoulders, humility is once again served to me and I know that countless people would love to be in my shoes and would work twice as hard as I am doing right now. I’ve got to gather myself and own up to what I signed up for… I worked so hard for this scholarship, and to give up my dreams over one tough class would be unjustifiable. I am constantly grateful for where I am, and I just have to keep going. Spring 2015, get ready for me.